I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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