I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
