Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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