it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
