i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
