??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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