Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
