Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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