my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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