i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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