I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
