During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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