omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize