we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
