k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
