yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
