Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
