So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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