guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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