Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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