hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
