operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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