Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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