Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
