and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
