Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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