I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
