the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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