Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
