I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
