I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
