there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
