they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
