Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
