I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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