hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
