i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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