who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
