ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
