i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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