Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
