I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
