What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
