my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
