I'm jealous of your bromance
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
