If i come over, it means nothing
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
high people should be assigned attendants
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
