Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
