she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I believe in your delicious
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
