C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
