Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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