I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
