That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
