Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
