Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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