Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
