Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
