what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
