i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We were destined to go to rehab together
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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