I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
