i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
