so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
