he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
