I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
