LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
