from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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