I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
