While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
