I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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