If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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