So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
