Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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