I want to make a zoo with you.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
