I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
