Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
