Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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