i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
