I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
