you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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