Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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