I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
