Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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