belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
