Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
