Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
