i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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