you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There's always time for handjobs
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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