Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
