I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
