my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
There r osticjed everywhere
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
