THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize