help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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