The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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