I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
