he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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