my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
